Chastity for mormons is not a simple thing, though on the inside of the church it doesn't feel as complicated as it really is. Today I'm going to talk about the general dress code, and avoiding the "appearance of evil."
Mormon's are a modest lot. They really are. Modesty in dress, manner and speech and action is all very important, taught from an early age, really pushed hard in the teen years, and carries on into adulthood. Children are dressed from a very young age the way they would dress if they did wear garments. that means nothing sleeveless, nothing that shows belly and nothing too short. This is something that follows into the teen years. The most scandelous things I ever wore were my cheerleading uniforms, and one off the shoulders home coming dress. ohhh it felt like decadent wickedness! I savored those days when I was in my tiny skirt and showing off my long legs.
But I knew girls whos mothers sewed modesty pannels into their prom and home coming dresses. I have known mothers who started their kids wearing undershirts early on, so they would be ready for the day they went to the temple and got garments. Hey! I saw you roll your eyes there!
The idea is that the body is a temple and as such should be kept clean and pure and chaste. and that if you dress modestly, you will act modestly. In church men and boys generally wear suits and ties, white shirts are preferred over colors. In general men will be clean shaven with short haircuts. Now and then you see a beard or mustache, but at the same time, now and then a letter from some church authority will be read over the pulpit saying men should be clean shaven.
Women wear skirts and dresses to church. very rarely you will see someone in pants, typically an investigator or a new member or a visitor. someone who doesn't know better. Cleavage is of course inappropriate. skirts shouldn't be above the knee. garment for the endowed adults are not to be rolled up or tucked up to accomodate fashion. they are to be worn against the skin. yep. Bras go OVER the garments, ladies. Sexy, eh?
Now in part one we saw an ambiguous video that I won't inflict on you again about how far is too far. Rules for adults are almost stranger. you are to avoid the "appearance of evil." A woman home alone, with out her husband, shouldn't even allow another man into the house. I used to get really nervous if I had to have a plumber or carpet cleaner to the house when I was home alone. not because I thought there was danger, but because there might be the appearance of evil. Men and women who are not married to each other are not to be alone together. not to ride in a car alone together, or be in either home alone together. people might get the wrong idea, you see. this is part of why home teachers come in pairs. so when they go to a single woman's house there is a built in chaperone.
One of my more recent horrifying realizations is that there really is no touching. oh lots of hand shakes, and the occasional half hug. but men and women, women and women, men and men, just really don't touch. not to hug, or pat on the back or anything. I had no idea how much I liked that sort of touchy feely stuff till i got out and met others who did touch me, and hug me and pat my back. I hadn't been aware of how much I needed that kind of contact.
This subject is by no means exhausted. We will revisit it soon!
Questions or comments for me? please leave them in the comments below, email the to askanexmormon@gmail.com
You can also find me on twitter @MollyNoLonger. No question is too weird!
When you say no huging and touching I take it this includes inside the marriage as well (in private inside the marriage)
ReplyDeleteHow is it do you think with such isolation that more and more people don't feel isolated and alone - Is it simply a case of keeping people so busy they don't realise they need that physical emotional connection?
How does the church account for things like wet dreams? Do they simply say the devil got into that persons life somehow?
I am quite often an aethiest, occasionaly a swing voter - however, I have yet to meet any religion or beliefe that would accomodate my libido other than evolution.
No, within a marriage there is to be affection. but there are other issues there that I found disturbing. I think they d warrant a full blog post. And if it's ok, when I have time to sit down and answer these questions fully, this weekend. It's not a surprise that religion uses Sex to control people. What surprises me is the effectiveness of it, and the way, in my own experience, guilt is instilled in such a way as to keep people keeping themselves in check, so that the disapproval is internal as well as external.
ReplyDeleteAs for isolation, yes, in large part it is. Keeping people busy and tellig them they are happy, and providing a lesser degree of contact through approved social activities.
More to come! and thank you for your comments and questions!
The position on wet dreams is actually reasonable, which is a pretty rare state of affairs in Mormon thinking on sex. They are viewed as involuntary, natural, and not a sin. If you're a single man and wet dreams are the *only* ejaculations you experience, you're fine. But masturbation definitely is a sin, so the ok-ness of the dreams presumably requires the dreamer being fully asleep and not helping things along by any conscious effort.
ReplyDeleteThere's a revolting (but partially hilarious) talk by the infamous Boyd Packer, "To Young Men Only", which was widely distributed as a pamphlet when I was a boy. I understand it's hard to find today. At any rate, he portrayed wet dreams as the proper natural "release valve" for excess semen. But: boys who in any way overstimulated their "little factory" (Packer's words) would find it going into chronic overproduction, with greatly increased temptation for you-know-what. A great struggle would be needed to throttle it back, so to speak.
Nobody talked to the boys about the female counterpart to any of this. However, I think there was a general unspoken understanding that the girls had weaker sex drives. You might think this would mean they had an easier time of it, but the church in its wisdom leveled the playing field by making them partly responsible for the boys' sexual desire, with results including what Molly just described for us.
masturbation was talked about in the shallowest terms for girls and I think it was presumed girls just didn't. For boys it was made clear, for girls . . . just as clear but no sugetions for help. I have heard of boys who were told to tie their hand to the headboard to prevent masturbating in their sleep. Nothing like that was suggested for girls, so when I would wake up with my fingers inside me, I would feel dreadfully guilty. and since I found no matter how good my resolve was, eventually I would masturbate again, I reached a point where I just repented constantly, in tearful, prayerful confession that I knew I would do it again. and while apparently wet dreams were understandable, when I would have a highly sexual dream and wake up throbbing with pleasure I would be consummed with guilt. this type of thing was not discussed with the girls.
ReplyDelete