Chastity for mormons is not a simple thing, though on the inside of the church it doesn't feel as complicated as it really is. Today I'm going to talk about the general dress code, and avoiding the "appearance of evil."
Mormon's are a modest lot. They really are. Modesty in dress, manner and speech and action is all very important, taught from an early age, really pushed hard in the teen years, and carries on into adulthood. Children are dressed from a very young age the way they would dress if they did wear garments. that means nothing sleeveless, nothing that shows belly and nothing too short. This is something that follows into the teen years. The most scandelous things I ever wore were my cheerleading uniforms, and one off the shoulders home coming dress. ohhh it felt like decadent wickedness! I savored those days when I was in my tiny skirt and showing off my long legs.
But I knew girls whos mothers sewed modesty pannels into their prom and home coming dresses. I have known mothers who started their kids wearing undershirts early on, so they would be ready for the day they went to the temple and got garments. Hey! I saw you roll your eyes there!
The idea is that the body is a temple and as such should be kept clean and pure and chaste. and that if you dress modestly, you will act modestly. In church men and boys generally wear suits and ties, white shirts are preferred over colors. In general men will be clean shaven with short haircuts. Now and then you see a beard or mustache, but at the same time, now and then a letter from some church authority will be read over the pulpit saying men should be clean shaven.
Women wear skirts and dresses to church. very rarely you will see someone in pants, typically an investigator or a new member or a visitor. someone who doesn't know better. Cleavage is of course inappropriate. skirts shouldn't be above the knee. garment for the endowed adults are not to be rolled up or tucked up to accomodate fashion. they are to be worn against the skin. yep. Bras go OVER the garments, ladies. Sexy, eh?
Now in part one we saw an ambiguous video that I won't inflict on you again about how far is too far. Rules for adults are almost stranger. you are to avoid the "appearance of evil." A woman home alone, with out her husband, shouldn't even allow another man into the house. I used to get really nervous if I had to have a plumber or carpet cleaner to the house when I was home alone. not because I thought there was danger, but because there might be the appearance of evil. Men and women who are not married to each other are not to be alone together. not to ride in a car alone together, or be in either home alone together. people might get the wrong idea, you see. this is part of why home teachers come in pairs. so when they go to a single woman's house there is a built in chaperone.
One of my more recent horrifying realizations is that there really is no touching. oh lots of hand shakes, and the occasional half hug. but men and women, women and women, men and men, just really don't touch. not to hug, or pat on the back or anything. I had no idea how much I liked that sort of touchy feely stuff till i got out and met others who did touch me, and hug me and pat my back. I hadn't been aware of how much I needed that kind of contact.
This subject is by no means exhausted. We will revisit it soon!
Questions or comments for me? please leave them in the comments below, email the to askanexmormon@gmail.com
You can also find me on twitter @MollyNoLonger. No question is too weird!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Feel the POWER!! The Mormon Priesthood power, that is.
I was talking to a friend who after four years and countless discussions about religion, I still manage to surprise with bits and pieces of information about mormons. Somehow we got onto the topic of the Priesthood and how I had managed not to mention that in the past four years I don't know! His response was "Why is there no blog post about this?"
So here we go!
The Priesthood is the literal power to act in the name of God. It is the reason Mormons say theirs is the "Only True and Living" church on the earth, because they are the only ones with the priesthood.
The story goes like this: The priesthood was on the earth in ancient times (two types, Aaronic and Melchizedek--both with the authority to do different things, like baptize, bless, marry, heal, pass the sacrament, etc.) and they were used in the ancient church and Jesus gave the priesthood to his apostles through the laying on of hands. When the apostles died, the Priesthood was lost from the earth. This is the reason there had to be a restoration. It is the reason Martin Luther's efforts at reform were not enough. It is why when Joseph Smith prayed he received as an answer the very dramatic first vision.
The challenge was how to get the ancient priest hood into the modern era, considering everyone who held it was dead and it must be passed on through the laying on of hands.
President Gordon B Hinkley, the previous prophet, said it very susinctly:
"“This day of organization was, in effect, a day of commencement, the graduation for Joseph from ten years of remarkable schooling. It had begun with the incomparable vision in the grove in the spring of 1820, when the Father and the Son appeared to the fourteen-year-old boy. It had continued with the tutoring from Moroni, with both warnings and instructions given on multiple occasions. Then there was the translation of the ancient record, and the inspiration, the knowledge, the revelation that came from that experience. There was the bestowal of divine authority, the ancient priesthood again conferred upon men by those who were its rightful possessors—John the Baptist in the case of the Aaronic Priesthood, and Peter, James, and John in the case of the Melchizedek. There were revelations, a number of them, in which the voice of God was heard again, and the channel of communication opened between man and the Creator. All of these were preliminary to that historic April 6” (“150-Year Drama: A Personal View of Our History,” Ensign, Apr. 1980, 11–12)."
Yes. John the Baptist gave Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdry the Aaronic priesthood and Peter, James and John gave them the Melchizedek Priesthood.
The Aaronic Priesthood is the lesser of the two. Boys today receive it at the age of twelve. In the mainstream LDS church women are not permitted the Priesthood, and are instead given the divine gift of motherhood. (that's a whole other blog post!) Most of the "church approved" sources about the priesthood that I have personal access to are fairly vague. I am a woman after all. But Wiki says some interesting things. Later today I'll have a few of my male friends who are in the know verify, or if you, dear reader, can verify please let me know in the comments. What I do know is that at twelve, boys pass and bless the sacrament (similar to communion . . .sort of).
At 18, just before they go on missions, they can receive the Melchizedek Priesthood. Again we will look to Wiki for more detail than I have ever had access to. I do know that at this point they can give blessings of healing and comfort, and baptize. They can give babies a name and a blessing. They can confer the gift of the Holy Ghost on the newly baptized.
Now women and the Priesthood is a whole other situation. While I never held the priesthood I was supposed to be privy to it's power through my husband's Priesthood. There are stories of women who would bless their dying children with healing in the absence of their husbands. I think there is one about a woman who blessed the dying cow that the family relied on. Here is a rather disturbing lesson that women in the Relief Society (the Women's Organization within the church) are given regularly regarding their relationship to the Priesthood and to Priesthood holders.
I feel a future blog post about the patriarchal nature of the church coming on soon.
Mormons feel most sincerely that all gifts of the spirit: tongues, healing, revelation, visions, interpretation of tongues, and any others they choose to attribute to the spirit (I used to think following directions was probably a gift of the spirit) are all a direct result of the power of the priesthood.
Got a question or comment? please share! you can send questions to askanexmormon@gmail.com or put it in the comments! You can find me on Twitter @MollyNoLonger as well!
EDIT: one more lovely tidbit . . . Every LDS man with the priesthood can trace the lineage of his Priesthood back to Jesus Christ, through Joseph Smith. I was very very surprised to see how small the list was for the men in my life.
So here we go!
The Priesthood is the literal power to act in the name of God. It is the reason Mormons say theirs is the "Only True and Living" church on the earth, because they are the only ones with the priesthood.
The story goes like this: The priesthood was on the earth in ancient times (two types, Aaronic and Melchizedek--both with the authority to do different things, like baptize, bless, marry, heal, pass the sacrament, etc.) and they were used in the ancient church and Jesus gave the priesthood to his apostles through the laying on of hands. When the apostles died, the Priesthood was lost from the earth. This is the reason there had to be a restoration. It is the reason Martin Luther's efforts at reform were not enough. It is why when Joseph Smith prayed he received as an answer the very dramatic first vision.
The challenge was how to get the ancient priest hood into the modern era, considering everyone who held it was dead and it must be passed on through the laying on of hands.
President Gordon B Hinkley, the previous prophet, said it very susinctly:
"“This day of organization was, in effect, a day of commencement, the graduation for Joseph from ten years of remarkable schooling. It had begun with the incomparable vision in the grove in the spring of 1820, when the Father and the Son appeared to the fourteen-year-old boy. It had continued with the tutoring from Moroni, with both warnings and instructions given on multiple occasions. Then there was the translation of the ancient record, and the inspiration, the knowledge, the revelation that came from that experience. There was the bestowal of divine authority, the ancient priesthood again conferred upon men by those who were its rightful possessors—John the Baptist in the case of the Aaronic Priesthood, and Peter, James, and John in the case of the Melchizedek. There were revelations, a number of them, in which the voice of God was heard again, and the channel of communication opened between man and the Creator. All of these were preliminary to that historic April 6” (“150-Year Drama: A Personal View of Our History,” Ensign, Apr. 1980, 11–12)."
Yes. John the Baptist gave Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdry the Aaronic priesthood and Peter, James and John gave them the Melchizedek Priesthood.
The Aaronic Priesthood is the lesser of the two. Boys today receive it at the age of twelve. In the mainstream LDS church women are not permitted the Priesthood, and are instead given the divine gift of motherhood. (that's a whole other blog post!) Most of the "church approved" sources about the priesthood that I have personal access to are fairly vague. I am a woman after all. But Wiki says some interesting things. Later today I'll have a few of my male friends who are in the know verify, or if you, dear reader, can verify please let me know in the comments. What I do know is that at twelve, boys pass and bless the sacrament (similar to communion . . .sort of).
At 18, just before they go on missions, they can receive the Melchizedek Priesthood. Again we will look to Wiki for more detail than I have ever had access to. I do know that at this point they can give blessings of healing and comfort, and baptize. They can give babies a name and a blessing. They can confer the gift of the Holy Ghost on the newly baptized.
Now women and the Priesthood is a whole other situation. While I never held the priesthood I was supposed to be privy to it's power through my husband's Priesthood. There are stories of women who would bless their dying children with healing in the absence of their husbands. I think there is one about a woman who blessed the dying cow that the family relied on. Here is a rather disturbing lesson that women in the Relief Society (the Women's Organization within the church) are given regularly regarding their relationship to the Priesthood and to Priesthood holders.
I feel a future blog post about the patriarchal nature of the church coming on soon.
Mormons feel most sincerely that all gifts of the spirit: tongues, healing, revelation, visions, interpretation of tongues, and any others they choose to attribute to the spirit (I used to think following directions was probably a gift of the spirit) are all a direct result of the power of the priesthood.
Got a question or comment? please share! you can send questions to askanexmormon@gmail.com or put it in the comments! You can find me on Twitter @MollyNoLonger as well!
EDIT: one more lovely tidbit . . . Every LDS man with the priesthood can trace the lineage of his Priesthood back to Jesus Christ, through Joseph Smith. I was very very surprised to see how small the list was for the men in my life.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
You wanna talk about sex? --the Law of Chastity part 1
Ah the Law of Chastity . . . complex . . . . ambiguous . . . positively dangerous . . . very very controlling . . . and way too big to discuss in a single post. So today we will start here. A word of warning before viewing that video . . . it is pure ambiguous propaganda and more than a little creepy. It also echoes every standards night I ever went to. And I went to no less than 6.
Everyone back? did you get a glass of water to wash down the bad taste in your mouth? Maybe that's just me. I will admit the sexual dysfunctions instilled by the church have taken me many many hours of therapy to over come. And chances are they will take me many many more before I feel fully free of them. but this is where they began, as a teenager being told that I shouldn't even hold hands with a guy. No kissing, no "petting", no "necking", don't be alone with a boy. Don't date till you are sixteen and even then stay in groups and date only in public places.
"For the Strength of Youth" is a pamphlet young people--12 to 18--are give annually to help keep them on the straight and narrow path. It covers a myriad of topics from music and language to choosing friends, dating and sexual purity.
Ostensibly the goal is to raise youth who will be righteous and go on to serve missions and be wives and mothers, and raise righteous children.
In reality though it is isolating, serving to limit the circle of people you spend time with to mostly other LDS people. It's not even that the church teaches abstinence over safe sex. They teach something even higher. Don't do anything to engender the strong passions of sexuality.
The rules are so ambiguous. It's a bit like trying to keep someone from burning themselves on the stove top by never letting them in the kitchen at all.
Masturbation is a big no no. And the church disagrees with oral sex even between a husband and wife. So they do not teach safe smart sex. For a brief time to regulate my cycles, I was put on birth control. my mother was horrified. She was very upset by the thought that taking the pills would some how make me think it would be ok to have sex. Like learning about being safe or smart would make me feel the need to rush out and become the school harlot.
The total repression of sexuality leads to married couples who often have no idea what they are doing. They don't have the experience to know what they want or need sexually. They avoid sources that could teach them. Sex is sacred so they don't talk about it much outside of the marriage. Sex is reproductive, so they have large families, often starting very very young. and if they should have difficulty conceiving they are in for pain and misery. Years of it.
This is the very broadest look at sexuality as taught in the mormon church. there are so many areas where the church controls this, often in subtle ways, that it will take a few posts to cover.
have any questions about it? Send them my way, in the comments, on twitter @mollynolonger or email me at askanexmormon@gmail.com
Everyone back? did you get a glass of water to wash down the bad taste in your mouth? Maybe that's just me. I will admit the sexual dysfunctions instilled by the church have taken me many many hours of therapy to over come. And chances are they will take me many many more before I feel fully free of them. but this is where they began, as a teenager being told that I shouldn't even hold hands with a guy. No kissing, no "petting", no "necking", don't be alone with a boy. Don't date till you are sixteen and even then stay in groups and date only in public places.
"For the Strength of Youth" is a pamphlet young people--12 to 18--are give annually to help keep them on the straight and narrow path. It covers a myriad of topics from music and language to choosing friends, dating and sexual purity.
Ostensibly the goal is to raise youth who will be righteous and go on to serve missions and be wives and mothers, and raise righteous children.
In reality though it is isolating, serving to limit the circle of people you spend time with to mostly other LDS people. It's not even that the church teaches abstinence over safe sex. They teach something even higher. Don't do anything to engender the strong passions of sexuality.
The rules are so ambiguous. It's a bit like trying to keep someone from burning themselves on the stove top by never letting them in the kitchen at all.
Masturbation is a big no no. And the church disagrees with oral sex even between a husband and wife. So they do not teach safe smart sex. For a brief time to regulate my cycles, I was put on birth control. my mother was horrified. She was very upset by the thought that taking the pills would some how make me think it would be ok to have sex. Like learning about being safe or smart would make me feel the need to rush out and become the school harlot.
The total repression of sexuality leads to married couples who often have no idea what they are doing. They don't have the experience to know what they want or need sexually. They avoid sources that could teach them. Sex is sacred so they don't talk about it much outside of the marriage. Sex is reproductive, so they have large families, often starting very very young. and if they should have difficulty conceiving they are in for pain and misery. Years of it.
This is the very broadest look at sexuality as taught in the mormon church. there are so many areas where the church controls this, often in subtle ways, that it will take a few posts to cover.
have any questions about it? Send them my way, in the comments, on twitter @mollynolonger or email me at askanexmormon@gmail.com
Monday, June 6, 2011
Guest Exmormon answers the question: Why do Mormons who are getting married exclude family and friends from attending weddings in Mormon Temples?
A big thanks to Suspicious Minds for this next essay addressing the exclusion of family from LDS Temple Weddings.
"Many LDS Members are ashamed that North American Saints who choose to have a civil ceremony are penalized when it comes to the temple. Any man and woman who chooses to have a civil ceremony first, must wait a full year before solemnizing their marriage vows in the temple -- no matter what. Even if they are living the Church standards and are obedient members that are free from any sin that would bar them from the temple, they are still considered unworthy of a temple sealing for a minimum one year.
"Many LDS Members are ashamed that North American Saints who choose to have a civil ceremony are penalized when it comes to the temple. Any man and woman who chooses to have a civil ceremony first, must wait a full year before solemnizing their marriage vows in the temple -- no matter what. Even if they are living the Church standards and are obedient members that are free from any sin that would bar them from the temple, they are still considered unworthy of a temple sealing for a minimum one year.
Many Mormon’s living outside of North America are NOT penalized the same way in those countries where the law requires a civil ceremony to be recognized as a legal marriage prior to any religious ritual.
So rather than face the harsh penalty of waiting a full year and the stigma of choosing a civil wedding ceremony first, most North American LDS couples choose to have only a temple marriage and sealing, and their family members and friends who are not active LDS adults cannot attend their ceremony.
For a church that through media advertising promotes itself as family values oriented, it’s simply incomprehensible that the Church denies family members be present at a wedding, a time considered by all to be a joyous celebration that brings and unites an entire family. By it’s very actions through it’s policies, the Church fosters marital disharmony, shame and guilt that is harsh for the couple and their loved ones who do not fit the "acceptable mormon standards" required for entrance into the temple wedding.
The temple wedding presents a cruel dilemma to first generation converts and those from mixed-faith families. On the one hand members of the LDS Church have the promise of the temple sealing, to be with the people they love as a family after death. The Church warns that a civil wedding only binds the couple till death do they part. The temple sealing however is for time and all eternity. The irony is for active worthy Mormons to secure for themselves those sealing blessings of an eternal family, some have to leave the very people they want that promise to apply to at the temple doors.
Don't let your loved ones be hurt. Tell the leadership of the Mormon Church that it’s about time for family and to give people the choice without penalizing and isolating family.
For more information and how to get involved, check out the petition for change. http://www.
Family, isn’t it about time?"
On a personal note--Molly speaking now--my sibling was excluded from my wedding for being underage by 6 months.
If you have a question about mormons or mormonism maybe you should ask an ex-mormon!
askanexmormon@gmail.com
Thursday, June 2, 2011
FAQ #7 No coffee? But coke is ok?
You have probably noticed that your mormon friends abstain from tea, coffee, alcohol, and tobacco. Some may avoid caffeine altogether. I always did. It's an almost intrusive eating code, and many mormons won't simply say no thank you, they will add "I'm mormon."
What is this all about? I'm glad you asked!
This is about keeping the Word of Wisdom. This is a code of health that mormons believe Joseph Smith was given by god. It is the 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants .
So the story goes after one of the men's meetings, Emma Smith was disgusted by all the tobacco all over the floor that they had left for her to clean up and she went to Joseph and complained and he decided to "inquire of the Lord." The result was the Word of Wisdom--which at the time was not commandment, but has since become commandment.
Most mormons are pretty good at the big don'ts--tea, coffee, alcohol, tobacco--but really stink at the smaller ones. the code pretty much suggests that people are meant to be vegetarians; "12Yea, aflesh also of bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used csparingly;
What is this all about? I'm glad you asked!
This is about keeping the Word of Wisdom. This is a code of health that mormons believe Joseph Smith was given by god. It is the 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants .
So the story goes after one of the men's meetings, Emma Smith was disgusted by all the tobacco all over the floor that they had left for her to clean up and she went to Joseph and complained and he decided to "inquire of the Lord." The result was the Word of Wisdom--which at the time was not commandment, but has since become commandment.
Most mormons are pretty good at the big don'ts--tea, coffee, alcohol, tobacco--but really stink at the smaller ones. the code pretty much suggests that people are meant to be vegetarians; "12Yea, aflesh also of bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used csparingly;
13And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or bfamine." so . . . eat it, but only if you have to . . . this is largely ignored by the carnivorous population of the church. There are also restrictions on fats, but you wouldn't know it if you attend an LDS pot luck.
The Word of Wisdom does not specify caffeine and there is some debate as to what substance in coffee and tea god really wanted his children to avoid--caffeine? or tanic acid? (at least I heard a lot of this growing up). This is how come some mormons avoid all caffeine and some guzzle the coke and pepsi.
The word of wisdom is said to be a "principle with a promise"--if you follow it you will live a long and healthy life. Well there is truth to that. Clean living does help you live longer and mormons are famed for their clean living.
It is one of those principles that is cherry-picked though. People do the big parts, and skip the smaller.
Got a question? send it my way at askanexmormon@gmail.com
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