FAQ #7 No coffee? But coke is ok?

You have probably noticed that your mormon friends abstain from tea, coffee, alcohol, and tobacco. Some may avoid caffeine altogether. I always did. It's an almost intrusive eating code, and many mormons won't simply say no thank you, they will add "I'm mormon." 


What is this all about? I'm glad you asked!


This is about keeping the Word of Wisdom. This is a code of health that mormons believe Joseph Smith was given by god. It is the 89th section of the Doctrine and Covenants . 


So the story goes after one of the men's meetings, Emma Smith was disgusted by all the tobacco all over the floor that they had left for her to clean up and she went to Joseph and complained and he decided to "inquire of the Lord." The result was the Word of Wisdom--which at the time was not commandment, but has since become commandment. 


Most mormons are pretty good at the big don'ts--tea, coffee, alcohol, tobacco--but really stink at the smaller ones. the code pretty much suggests that people are meant to be vegetarians; "12Yea, ^aflesh also of ^bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used ^csparingly;

 13And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be ^aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or ^bfamine." so . . . eat it, but only if you have to . . . this is largely ignored by the carnivorous population of the church. There are also restrictions on fats, but you wouldn't know it if you attend an LDS pot luck. 

The Word of Wisdom does not specify caffeine and there is some debate as to what substance in coffee and tea god really wanted his children to avoid--caffeine? or tanic acid? (at least I heard a lot of this growing up). This is how come some mormons avoid all caffeine and some guzzle the coke and pepsi. 

The word of wisdom is said to be a "principle with a promise"--if you follow it you will live a long and healthy life. Well there is truth to that. Clean living does help you live longer and mormons are famed for their clean living. 

It is one of those principles that is cherry-picked though. People do the big parts, and skip the smaller. 

Got a question? send it my way at askanexmormon@gmail.com

Tweet Tweet! so . . . I got a twitter!

Tweet to me at @MollyNoLonger and I'll tweet on back! Questions, comments, interesting and/or raunchy emoticons? why not!

sent my first tweet too . . .

Soon I'll be delivering the truth about the lds church in 145 characters or less!

Follow me and I will follow you back!

Do Mormons think Jesus and Satan are Brothers?

Someauthor asks:

My understanding (un-researched) is that Mormonism maintains Jesus and Lucifer are brothers. Can you give any information on this perspective.

As a second question, do you think that early level Mormon teachings (for men) are vastly different from higher-level teachings?

The pretenses of my own membership in "Secret Societies" (be they Eastern Star, Masonry, DeMolay or w/e) lead me to believe that noob training is very far from high level teaching. I am curious about your experiences regarding that perspective. Many thanks for your time and effort.

The first answer is easy. Yes. Mormons believe that Jesus and Satan are brothers. Not only that, they are our brothers too, since we are all spirit children of God. The story goes that in the pre-exisitance we all lived with god and there was no progression. In order for there to be progression we would need to come to earth to get bodies. Physical bodies are required for eternal exhaltation. 

Jesus and Lucifer both put themselves forward for the job of savior (the plan  . . . apple, mortality, death . . . demanded a savior who could conquor death). But Jesus wanted the people to have agency, the freedom to make choices, good and bad. Lucifer wanted people to not have that choice, that way no one would be lost.

There was a great war . . . which I have always been told was fought with words, not swords, (and some how in my head it always looked like a session of the Brittish Parliment  . . . "will the right honorable git in favor of free agency cede the floor now?" )

You and I both fought in the war and we can know what side we were on because we are here on earth, in physical bodies. Satan and his followers, 1/3 of the hosts of heaven, were cast to earth bodiless, and the rest of us who were on Jesus side, started the process of birth and death that would bring us all back to god, depending on our choices in this life. 

Here are a few quotes from Hinkley and Wirthlin on the war in heaven.

Now part two is harder for me  . . . because alas I am a woman and not privy to all the things that go on in the mens groups. There is a great deal of gender segregation in the church. I will say, the stuff you are taught in primary and in the missionary discussions is not as deep and involved as the things taught in the adult classes. I'm going to pass this question on to one of my friends who might be better equipped to answer. 

If you have a question for me please send it to askanexmormon@gmail.com

"The Spirit of God, like a fire is burning . . ."

Liam asks:

Have you experienced the infamous "Burning in the Bosom?"


For those who may not know, this is the catch phrase for feeling the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost. The names are interchangeable. The Holy Ghost is the third member of the godhead and he has no physical body (god and Jesus do.) He can be many places at once and isn't bound by laws of physics. It is his job to testify of truth to your soul. He also warns of danger. Everyone can access the Holy Ghost--you know the Jiminy Cricket conscience we are all familiar with? That's the holy ghost. Or so the LDS church claims. When a person is baptised, they are them confirmed members of the church and given the gift of the holy ghost, so that they will always have that "still small voice" in the back of their heads telling them what is right and what is wrong and what is good and what is bad. 


For most this happens at the age of eight, and for me, it was very easy to visualize that conscience as a literal being whispering in my ear. Of course I also thought if i spun around in circles enough times I actually -would- turn into Wonder Woman. 8 year old brains are very impressionable. 


Now the main job of the holy spirit is to testify of truth, and this comes as a burning in the bosom. and Yes, I have felt it. So have you. It's a warm fuzzy, appropriated by the church doctrine, just like the concept of the conscience was, and accredited to the Spirit. 


I have felt that in spiritual moments, when I felt a great connection to the universe, the divine, the people around me. Girls camp was practically a Warm Fuzzy high! There was just so much love and estrogen! and Youth Conference too. 300 young people all pressed together and feeling such community and love. Yes. I felt the burning in my bosom. and I did attribute it to the Holy Spirit. 


But I also felt it when I graduated College. and there have been a handful of kisses that left me walking on air! And the day I adopted my baby. and the day I bought my house. And I felt it a few weeks ago as I knelt outside on a sunday weeding my garden and wearing a sleeveless shirt and drinking coffee. I've felt it when reading John Donne's poetry. And when listening to good Jazz music. I have felt it when marveling at historical sites and touching things that people built 3000 years ago. 


That the church appropriates and exploits this warm fuzzy phenomenon is really pure advertising. 




I was asked why I left the church if I felt this . . . 


because an emotional response like that is not enough to hold up next to facts, and reality. 
It simply isn't. No more than the warm flush of happiness after a first kiss means it's love and it will last forever. 


Faith is not Knowlege and it turns out for me, faith simply wasnt enough. 








Do you have a question? Send it my way at askanexmormon@gmail.com

FAQ #6 Do Mormons. . . .

Have horns?

No. Though I did used to tell non Mormons that mine had been filed down.

Dance?

Yes. But only to uplifting music with no bad language and positive messages

Celebrate birthdays?

Yes. In the fairly traditional way.

Celebrate christmas?

Yes. And some welcome Santa as part of their celebration, some don't. Though I think he is down played in most Mormon homes.

Listen to music?

Yes. But music is to be carefully chosen to only bring good into your world. If you wouldn't want to listen to it with jesus then you shouldn't listen to it.

Self-flagellate?

No, alas.

Later I'll talk about tithes and the whole no smoking, no drinking thing. In the mean time if you have a question about Mormons send it my way! Aakanexmormon@gmail.com

FAQ #5 You wear what? The magic undies.

Garments. Temple Garments specifically.


Sexy, eh?
Ok, so for those of you looking at that and saying wtf, there is an explanation! (I can't promise the explanation won't also make you go "wtf?") Do you remember Adam and Eve? Garden, Apple, Snake? Well, in that story, after they ate the apple and became aware of their nakedness, they made aprons of fig leaves, and then after hiding from god, when he found them, he told them to make coats of animal skins. The derivative of those coats of skins are the delightful polyester and poly-cotton confections you see before you.

When an adult goes through the temple for the first time, they are given garments to wear, as a representation of the clothing given to Adam and Eve in the Garden. It is meant to be protective, and worn always next to the skin, a constant reminder of god in their lives.

First I'll talk about the rules, and then the protection.

You wear these garments day and night. in all your activities except things where they would be seen and mocked, like a swimming pool, or a doctors office. They are to be worn in bed. You may remove them for sex, but should put them back on as soon as possible. They are not to be rolled up at the knees to be shorter, not are the sleeves to be rolled up. Clothing should be modest enough to cover the garments up completely. They are to be worn against the skin . . . that's right ladies, bras go over these babies! It's not all bad though, you do save a lot not shopping at Victoria's secret . . . because would you really put one of those sexy numbers over that? If you doubt my understanding of this, here is the official church guidelines on the wearing and care of the garments.

The protections is a little fuzzier. There are some mormons who will swear up and down that the garments give an actual physical protection from physical harm. And you do find those sort of apocryphal "a friend of a friend . . ." type tales about protection from fire, even bullets. But on the whole mormons are taught that the protection is spiritual, not physical. They help you stay modest and chaste. They remind you of god all the time, and that will help you make better choices. As for physical protection . . . well . . . they do prevent chafing.

Here is a 1997 conference talk on the garments, fully charged with all of it's holy glory and power.

Curious about something? Have a question for me, or something to add? stick it in the comments or send your questions to askanexmormon@gmail.com

Do mormons really think they can convert adults to their religion with this door to door stuff?

Question posed by Waterrat in Reddit.

The simple answer is Yes. They think they can because they do!

have you ever bought anything from a door to door sales man? I have. Just last year I bought a lawn care system!

Really, that is what proselyting is--door to door sales  . . . with a twist.

They are young and filled with the zeal of righteousness and the spirit of god and they are quite literally on a mission, so when you open your door to their fresh smiling faces all you will feel from them is good will and love and sincerity. Its a really good place to start. I always lean more toward buying when my salesman believes in the product he is selling.

And the Gospel is a hard sell, not a soft sell. They try and have a person committed to baptism after the first lesson. The Commitment Pattern is a big part of that. And like all sales people, they are persistent. give them a tiny opening and they will work to take advantage.

Once they are in the door, they have a plan in hand and go to. New Missionaries are give three months of intensive training at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in Utah.  It could be two now. it used to be three. (I personally didn't go n a mission, I was told it was my job to stay home and get married, but that is a whole other post!) Once in the field, they are paired with an older Missionary so you have the senior one training the junior one as they go. The MTC is also where they learn the language of the country where they will teack if it isn't English. And when they get there they are functional, if not proficient in the language. And they can give the Missionary discussions with ease.

And now to the tools of the trade . . . the Missionary discussions. This is a set of five well organized classes giving to the individual in a discussion style, generally in the investigator's home. By the third discussion they like to have a firm commitment of baptism. though I understand they start seeking a commitment at the first discussion. I was 7 when I took the discussions so they have changed a bit.

While they are teaching you, someone else will be fellowshipping you, making sure you have rides to church and church activities, making sure you feel included, introducing you to everyone, inviting you to dinner and Family Home Evenings, making sure your needs are met--that there is food in your cupboard (Yes, church welfare is a missionary tool too), Petting and praising you for finding the truth and now being in the know. A number of people will do this actually, and it isn't assigned. It happens organically.

and then . . . . . BAM! you're in! and once in, you (ideally) will be so surrounded by the spirit, so busy with classes and callings and activities and daily scripture study and prayer, that you will be easily absorbed into the day to day life of being LDS. Because it is a way of life, it is all to easy, once in, to have it fill so much of your time and focus that you don't even realize you have isolated yourself from your former life.

By the time the missionaries leave your life, after the discussions, you are firmly ensconced in your new life, and the role of keeping you part of the community has been passed on to the membership. And it all started with a knock on the door from a fresh-faced pair of young men in white shirts and ties.

Be sure to look in the comments for more details from people who actually were missionaries!

If you have a question for me send it my way at askanexmormon@gmail.com or leave it in the comments, or ask me on reddit - MollyNo-Longer.